Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Lonely, lonely, that is me. (A list.)








*I'm still adjusting to short hair! It looks like a crazy wig to me right about now. Yikes.
*I really hope it helps a child who is facing hair loss though. I'll grow more.
*I want an expresso machine. (Cause you know we don't have any coffee making paraphernalia.)
*I can't wait for this month's book club! We are starting Women Who Run With The Wolves. Such a powerful book. I hope its transformative for us as a group.
*“A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double.”- Toni Morrison
*My sister told me I'm an introvert. Dude. I never even realized it. lol All this time I've been under the false impression I'm super extroverted and outgoing. Why? I'm totally not.
*I got my rad shirts from Stay Home Club and I want to wear them every day but that's bad. Guess that means I need to order more.
*"Water, water on the seeds, to my left they rose and leaf, to my right cross seven seas..."
*I need to take a hiatus from shopping. I went to Tarjay for butter and eggs and came out with 4 Peter Pilotto items. And you know I didn't need them. Especially considering I bought swimwear and its below 0.
*"Intimacy is not a happy medium. It is a way of being in which the tension between distance and closeness is dissolved and a new horizon appears. Intimacy is beyond fear."- Henri Nouwen
*I'm sort of sad about not seeing Gregory Porter for Valentines Day. The work train doesn't slow down for anyone though. Nofuckingbody.
*I am going to see a Sriracha documentary next week though. Alone at that. It makes me laugh, this isolation. 
*I want to take time lapse photography of plants. Goal.
*I'm grateful for some sunny days. Cold and gray is double the insult.
*"Paper, paper obsolete, how will you reach out to me... I thought you'd ask me not to leave... lonely, lonely that is me..."
*We've got a new baby in the family! I love Max already.
*I'm glad (most days) that I'm doing tarot again. I've been on the verge of making some impulsive decisions and then done tarot. It's kind of talked me down from the edge.
*Life goes on, with or without us.
*I got a hoop nose ring which I LOVE. It fell out while I was washing my face yesterday though. Looks like I need a different style.
*I've been all about baked goods of late. My mid section is looking the part, too. The act of baking (and consuming) is an odd form of therapy.
*"Distance makes the heart grow weak so that the mouth can barely speak, except to those who hide their needs, and I have read the golden seal, that tells of how the seedlings feel, reminds my heart that love can yield…"
*The appeal of wearing pajamas most every day, all damn day has worn off.
*I finally took some photos for my sad little vintage shop. Just maybe I'll get around to sprucing that place up.
*Glen Livet is my man friend. He hugs me so good and tight. I can't run into his arms every night though. Overkill.
*I want to make heart shaped biscuits. I made heart shaped lavender shortbread and it was the jam.
*I love heart shaped items. They just make me happy and shit.
*I need to take all of the happiness I can find cause SAD is kicking my ass like it stole something.
*Why can't I sing like Jill Scott?!? Let's all agree that life is unfair, ummkay?
*I had myself all hyped up to undertake a project I reallllly feel strongly about and then chickened out. I don't know how to make other people feel comfortable and good when I don't feel that way myself. I've gotta pull it together.
*Have you ever wished you could cry and it just won't.happen?
*"Waste all your time writing love songs but you don't love me, all too familiar when it feels wrong, I think you're just lonely..."
*I miss my sister.  I miss my grandparents. I often feel like I'm floating endlessly in an odd, scary place. 
*We're going to sell Matilda (my trailer) when it warms up. With Nick's businesses and my redirection work wise it just doesn't make sense to keep her.
*If I'm going to feel better I need to focus on other people vs myself. Operation Valentine's Day Care Package is underway. I'll send some goodies off today to my sweets that aren't at arm's length. 

3 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you for reading... especially when I'm all emo and stuff. :)

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  2. Feist is out here singing our lives.

    from what I understand there's a spectrum from introversion to extroversion, maybe you're on the introvert side but not at the deepest end of the scale? lol. I'm pretty deep in it but still probably not as far to the left as I could be. it's interesting to me, reading about the chemical and neurological reasons for what seem to be just personality traits. it was a relief in a way to learn that introversion is not something one chooses, and is not the same thing as being shy (which is something I kind of knew but it was nice to get confirmation).

    I'm a fan of heart shaped things too! :) this is a good time of year for it. (one good thing.)

    winter gotta get out of here. just a few more weeks. I hope. I hope. lol.

    *hugs* those are the people who have been home for you all your life. this is the longest length of time you've been without both your Granny and Lori (physically in the same place). it's an adjustment, to say the least.

    makes sense to give Matilda a new home and pocket the proceeds. *nods*

    I loved my care package! thanks again :)

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